WARSI SENSATIONALLY CANCELS GLASTONBURY HEADLINE SET
Tory Peer will no longer perform Pyramid Stage gig
The forthcoming Glastonbury festival was shaken to the core today as Baroness Warsi declared she will no longer be headlining the main stage. The sell out event has been left in turmoil from the peer’s late withdrawal and have hurriedly drafted in Adele to take Warsi’s spot on the Pyramid stage on Saturday night.
A member of the Glastonbury crew said of the announcement, “Who the f£$k is she?”
The Conservative peer has issued a statement giving her reasons for her withdrawal, “I realised I could no longer take my place at Glastonbury when I saw a poster promoting Madness on the bill. Suggs was bang average in the 80’s. He should really have given it up by now.”
In other news, Baroness Warsi stated she was considering whether or not to run in the 100m at the Rio Olympics.
“I need assurances about who else is in the field before I commit to competing for gold in Rio,” added Warsi.