VOLKSWAGEN PROFITS TUMBLE AFTER RECALLING CARS TO BE FITTED WITH ANTI GLOBAL WARMING RHETORIC
Volkswagen's profits have tumbled 20% in the first three months of 2016 as it continues to grapple with fallout from recalling 11 million vehicles to be fitted with an anti-global warming rhetoric device.
The new devices will allow diesel drivers to smoothly and efficiently call the whole basis of climate change into question.
A Volkswagen spokesman said: “With this new device, our drivers can easily call on the rhetoric needed to question scientific analysis of the Antarctic ice cores.”
“Otherwise they would just throw out a load of bloke-down-the-pub shite like ‘If there’s global warming then how come it snowed last winter?’
“The hardware includes a failsafe device which shuts down the Volkswagen car if the driver is engaged in a conversation with anyone who knows what they’re talking about.”
Dave Jervis, who drives a diesel VW Golf, said: “Climate change only poses a danger if we admit it exists.”