UKIP IN IDENTITY CRISIS
Douglas Carswell ‘I’ll have a P please Bob’
UKIP's only serving MP Douglas Carswell has said his party will have to be called something else after the UK splits from Europe and then splits into pieces.
"We were prepared for dropping the word Independence after Brexit but the whole disintegration of the UK has taken us back a bit. Obviously that was just a consequence we filed under ‘Project Fear’ and never really took seriously along with most of what else is happening.”
“We've let our top adviser Mike Read have a look at it but had to dismiss most of his ideas. Besides, Andrea Leadsom says we need to keep things mainstream to be a part of the future so we'll probably just hang on to the one remaining element in UKIP and be known as 'P' once Scotland and Northern Ireland leave the union.”
Stephen Woolfe said, "What’s not to love? P is for party and everyone loves a Party, and we'll all be having a massive party when we've left the EU so what's not to like? I love it and I think it’s nice and easy for our slack-jawed membership to remember when they’re reinstating Hadrian’s wall.”