TOP GEAR BOSSES LINE UP CORBYN AS EVANS REPLACEMENT
Labour Leader drafted in to save ailing show
Despite better reviews for the second episode of the all new Top Gear last night, production bosses are still in crisis talks and may move to replace Chris Evans with Jeremy Corbyn after the Labour leader shot a promising pilot episode.
A production spokesman said, “Chris was the popular choice and said from the outset that he was going to move away from Jeremy Clarkson’s presenting style. What we didn’t know was he was going to move it more towards Keith Chegwin’s.”
“We’ve been having to lay canned laughter down but to be honest the audience whoops and cheers still don't seem quite right on a motoring show. Our demographic is middle aged bigots with small penises, they’re not the whooping type.”
“We only got Matt Le Blanc in as a bit of eye candy for the old girls who thought Hammond was cute, but Chris is constantly being outshone by Joey from Friends. We need to get better.”
So Top Gear’s top brass have turned to Jeremy Corbyn to save the show with his no-nonsense style and sweary outbursts appealing to fans who miss Clarkson.
“We checked with Jeremy’s people and they told us he’s not really doing much at the moment as he’s trying to stay out of the EU debate as much as he can, so we got him in to shoot a pilot which we’re reviewing. Our initial thoughts are positive though.”
“We thought it would be funny if he drove the new BMW M2 around a field where groups of orphaned children were holding a picnic and the results were terrific.”
“He was weaving the car between them with a series of handbrake turns and gave one child a mud shower by wheel-spinning through a puddle whilst giving him the finger. It was ace.”