THERESA MAY'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER CHRIS GRAYLING SAYS "THAT JOB WAS A PIECE OF PISS"
May does nothing and watches all her opponents set fire to themselves
Theresa May's campaign strategist Chris Grayling said today, "That was a complete piece of piss, a f%&£king shop dummy could have done it.”
After the announcement yesterday of Andrea Leadsom’s withdrawal, May has been left as the only candidate and is expected to be Prime Minister by the middle of the week.
A delighted Grayling said, “Theresa hasn't actually had to do anything, or say anything. She's managed to get rid of all the opponents by watching them set fire to themselves. It's been like a really shit series of the Apprentice. The UK is literally about to get the least bad candidate from a cohort of astounding mediocrity, backstabbing shysters and dangerous idiots.”
“Roll on the cabinet announcements.”
And May has found a surprising backer on Merseyside with Everton left back Leighton Baines showing his support.
"I remember playing a friendly against Mexico just before the world cup in 2010. My name was in pencil for the squad all I had to do was not have a nightmare performance. Average would have been enough to get me on the plane. Let's just say, I didn't need my passport in the end so I know how well Theresa has done. Congratulations."