PRITI PATEL TO PRESS AHEAD WITH DISMANTLING BRITAIN’S MORAL CONSCIENCE
Foreign Aid budget to be diverted to smashing up expensive restaurants
INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT MINISTER Priti Patel is to press ahead with her vision of dismantling Britain’s moral conscience and f&*king over the world’s poor.
Patel, the most expensive MP in Britain with average expense claims of £140,000 on top of her salary says, “We’re going to revamp foreign aid according to core Tory values, namely we’re going to divert a section of the budget to hiring out expensive restaurants and smash them up with our arses out like the grand days of the Bullingdon Club. Circulating the wealth around the UK elite is the best way of keeping people safe around the world.”
But Patel is keen to point out that the world’s most vulnerable will still feel the benefits, “Make no mistake, the 0.7% of GDP ring-fenced for helping poor people is still going to help them though. We’re going to spend a proportion of it on massive guns to kill all the despots that are making their lives a misery. After our review of recent history, we think that’s something that’s worked really well in the past.”
An unnamed ID insider reveals that this news has been coming for a while, “It’s like leaving King Herod to babysit your child, it isn’t going to end well. All they needed was a distraction so the public wouldn’t notice and hey presto, along comes the Bake Off news.”