PRINCE PHILIP STANDS DOWN KNOWING LEGACY OF CASUAL RACISM SAFE WITH BORIS
Royal hands baton to young pretender
Prince Philip announced his withdrawal from public life today knowing that his legacy of insulting gaffes, casually racist language and sexist quips is alive and well in modern Britain.
"I feel I've done my bit," announced the Queen's husband, "there was a time I thought I'd had to go on forever but now I can see that there are a host of capable people itching to be the next national embarrassment."
"Just look at the current Foreign Secretary, that imbecile can cause an international incident or small war with a simple email."
"It's pipe and slippers with the Racing Post for me now."
An adoring public were fulsome in their gratitude for Phil's extensive contribution to public life over several decades.
Dave from Luton said, "The bloody cheek, retiring at 96! If only we could all afford to chuck work in so early! I'll have the ton up before I can afford it."
Another added, "He's only done it to get out of Donald Trump's state visit."