NOEL EDMONDS NOMINATED FOR NOBEL PRIZE FOR MEDICINE AFTER CANCER BREAKTHROUGH
Quiz show presenter discovers cure
TV quiz show host Noel Edmonds was making headlines yesterday and to most people’s surprise it wasn’t in connection with Operation Yewtree. Instead the bearded gimp was being nominated for the Nobel Prize for medicine after he announced ground breaking findings in the field of cancer research via his twitter feed yesterday.
Edmonds claimed that cancer was caused by a ‘negative attitude’ and also revealed he has a magic box which can cure the disease.
Cancer research fellow Dr David Sodom said, “I can’t believe it, Noel’s trumped us all. The collective wisdom of the entire medical world funded by billions of dollars worldwide hasn’t been able to find a cure for cancer but Noel’s managed it with his magic box. Who knew the secret was positive thinking? Noel definitely deserves his Nobel prize nomination.”
However, opinion remains sceptical and Edmonds even faced criticism from a doubting public after he suggested to a cancer sufferer that his ill health was caused by his negative attitude.
A former producer on Edmonds’ TV show said:
“It doesn’t surprise me to be honest, he was a bloody nightmare on those Christmas Morning shows upsetting the kids every two minutes. He’d tell them they were in hospital for Christmas because of their negative attitude. Well, if negativity causes cancer then Noel Edmonds should giving his testicles the once over after yesterday’s backlash.”
Other previous associates of Edmonds have been moving to distance themselves from his medical achievements too.
Mr Blobby, the garish latex puppet who outshone Edmonds when the two worked in partnership on hit TV show Noel’s House Party, gave a news conference yesterday saying he didn’t want his reputation “dragged down by Edmonds anymore,” and fellow former presenter David Ike was quoted as saying, “The man’s gone f$%^ing bonkers.”