NATION UNDERWHELMED BY ANGELA EAGLE AND ROY CROPPER LOVE CHILD WINNING TOUR DE FRANCE
Briton wins Tour de France for record time - no one cares
Chris Froome aka the most boring man in the race, yesterday won his third Tour de France in four years.
Despite showing iron man like grit and even running part of the race following a crash, the nation remains particularly underwhelmed, due to Froome having all the charisma of the bastard love child of Angela Eagle and Roy Cropper.
Having set the bar on achievement for a Brit (albeit a Kenyan one) and joining an elite group of cyclists, Zola Budd, sorry Chris Froome, celebrated with a stoney straight face and some monotone chat about hard work which no one caught because they were either asleep or wishing he was Bradley Wiggins.
Graham Hick, sorry Froome, attempted to win hearts with a display of paternal pride by having his young baby passed to him in scenes reminiscent of Alex Higgins at the 1982 world snooker championships. Except Higgins was clearly made up with emotion. And Crying. And happy. And looking for all the world like the proudest father on the planet at the scene if his greatest achievement. Not like a robot nanny casting one eye nervously around to see if his bike was alright.