MICHAEL FALLON'S SHOULDERS TOPPLE MALCOM RIFKIND’S CHIN AS MOST ATTRACTIVE ELEMENT OF CONSERVATIVE PARTY

Young conservatives vote for new champion at annual tromboning

AFTER SPENDING YEARS at the summit, Malcom Rifkind’s chin has finally succumbed to Michael Fallon’s shoulders as the most attractive element of the Conservative Party following the annual secret ballot held by young conservatives.

“Michael Fallon’s shoulders are simply superb,” says young conservative and ex Etonian wanker Tarquin Arse, “and this was borne out in the vote which saw them come out comfortably on top.”

“Malcom shouldn’t be too downhearted. His chin has had a terrific run at the top, seeing off competition over the years from Eric Pickles’ love handles, Nicky Morgan’s nose and George Osborne’s girly arse.”

Fallon was said to be delighted with the result which was announced at last night’s annual Young Conservatives Tromboning Event in Bournemouth but faces stiff competition to hold on to his title with the emergence in this parliament of Caroline Ansell’s ankles.