MARCUS RASHFORD IS 'NEW PELE' CLAIMS ENTIRE NATION
United star can win Euros on his own say delusional fans
Marcus Rashford is the toast of England this week after forcing his way into Roy Hodgson’s squad for Euro ’16. In scenes reminiscent of the ‘Rooney-is-the-new-Pele’ excitement of 2004, England fans have been snapping up Rashford flags and masks ahead of the Euro’s in the blinded hope England have unearthed a player who won’t be either shit or injured at a major tournament.
“It’s been a while since we declared there was a new Pele,” said England fan Mike from Chelmsford.
“Obviously there was Jamie Vardy earlier in the season and Harry Kane last year, so we’ve been crying out for someone new to get behind for months now.”
However, history isn’t on the side of Rashford making his mark.
“We all know England players look good against the fodder in the qualifiers and then turn to rat-shit the moment they come up against anyone decent in the finals; that’s our tradition,” says Mike’s wife Pat.
“But Rashford is the best player to ever grace an England shirt, it will be different this time. He might only have played once but he’s going to win the Euro’s single handed.”
“I’ve already got his name tattooed on my shoulder. I fitted him in where I got Dean Ashton and Darius Vassell crossed out.”