LEAKED HONOURS LIST REVEALS CAMERON GAVE CBE TO EMERGENCY PLUMBER TO WAIVE CALL-OUT CHARGE
Sir Desmond Swayne dismisses claims of cronyism as Dave gifts honours to pet sitter
Opposition MPs have called for a complete overhaul of the honours system after a newspaper published leaked details of David Cameron's resignation honours list revealed a string of honours for former aides, donors and supporters.
But one-time parliamentary aide to Mr Cameron, Sir Desmond Swayne, has come out in support of the former PM and dismissed claims of "cronyism".
The New Forest West MP said: "The reason we have a resignation honours list is because over a period of government, a prime minister has to cajole and get the support of a number people and he builds up a debt of honour. For instance there was that time the exhaust went on his 4x4 and he needed to get a mechanic out to him at the roadside. The bloody thing didn’t fix itself you know.
Then there was the occasion when that leaking tap was keeping Samantha awake all night at number 10 and he needed to call out the emergency plumber. The robbing bastard wanted a £300 ‘call out charge’, so Dave promised to bung him a CBE. Sure enough he’s a man of his word.
"I think that frankly an honours list is a relatively light way of paying it off, we get far too excited about these things. How else is the PM supposed to get someone to feed his fish when he’s on holiday?!”