LEADSOM / MAY WILL DECIDE TORY LEADERSHIP ON WHO LIKES MARGARET THATCHER MOST
Both candidates lay out fan credentials to Party membership
With Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom left as the two candidates fighting it out to be the next leader of the Country, and in deference to the pitiful direction this is all heading in, the Tory Party have scrapped the vote and allowed them to decide which one of them becomes leader on the basis of who likes Margaret Thatcher the most.
Theresa May laid down an early marker with a powerful statement this morning, "I really, really like Margaret Thatcher and everyone knows I liked Margaret Thatcher long before Andrea Leadsom. I used to doodle her name all over my notes in lectures at Oxford. When all the other girls were dreaming about David Essex, I was gathering cuttings for my Iron Lady scrapbook.”
“It's a well known fact that I served as president of the Maggie Thatcher Fan Club between 1984 and 1986. I designed the badges that year. I've still got one somewhere. I superimposed her striking Arthur Scargill with her handbag if you remember?”
“I've still got her poster on my wall too. It might be a bit tatty these days but that's never coming down. It takes pride of place alongside that Botticelli piece I got in on expenses after flipping homes.”
But Leadsom has rubbished May's credentials as a Thatcher fan and made a series of claims herself,
"I dined with Mrs Thatcher when I was head of the Bank of England in the late 1980's and met her again regularly in the 90's when I'd moved on to be head of the IMF. She said to me that I was clearly the biggest fan of hers she'd ever met. I've not washed this hand for 25 years.”
“I was asked to read at her funeral but wasn't able to attend as I had urgent business in the Middle East where I was serving as the Secretary General of the UN at the time.”
“I nearly met her a good few years earlier too when I was serving in the Falklands campaign but I was invalided out from the Battle of Goose Green after being hit shortly before she arrived.”
“Anyway, becoming Prime Minister is no great leap for me I've virtually been doing the job for the last year anyway. Honestly, you ask anyone, and Margaret wanted me to have it. She told me on her death bed."
Ahead of the final decision, one Tory MP said, "We're F*&%ed."