LABOUR MP’S CONCEDE, ‘MICHAEL GOVE’S WIFE HAS TAUGHT US A LESSON IN HOW TO DO A COUP PROPERLY’
Sarah Vine would have Corbyn out by lunchtime
The Labour party was left shamed and embarrassed this morning as Michael Gove’s wife plotted and executed a better coup than them.
After a leaked email yesterday revealed Sarah Vine had reservations about whether she would allow her husband to back Boris Johnson’s bid to be Tory leader, she swiftly enacted a full on coup over breakfast before putting the recycling out.
And there was no lack of frustration as one Labour MP noted, “We’ve been wasting our time with this bloody vote of no confidence. What we’ve been missing is some straightforward stabbing in the back. Michael Gove’s wife has turned it into an Olympic sport. She’d have had Corbyn out by lunchtime.”
“We really need to get our act together quickly and provide effective opposition. Look at what we’re facing. Theresa May, Boris Johnson or Michael Gove? It's like the world’s worst ever game of ‘would you rather’. I’d do a John Major and crack on with Edwina Curry instead.”
Speaking at the official announcement of his intention to run, Michael Gove said:
“This is a lovely tie I’ve got on this morning don’t you think? Do you like it? Sarah picked it out. It goes well with this shirt I’ve been able to wear now I’ve lost a few pounds after Sarah put me on a diet. Are we on….?”
“I have come, reluctantly, to the conclusion that Boris cannot provide the leadership or build the team for the task ahead."
“I know it might have stopped the Country from sleep-walking into this dystopian nightmare if I’d mentioned earlier that Boris can’t be trusted, but there we go. And I know I might have said previously that I never wanted to be PM but it's not like got it I laser printed on the side of a f*£king battle bus now is it?”
“I feel very confident I can assemble the required team of experts to safely navigate us through the difficult next stage of negotiating our withdrawal from the EU and clearly I’m the best placed person to build such a team. I might have called into question the value and integrity of experts little more than a week ago but I think we’ve ably demonstrated that none of us really meant a word we said during the campaign.”
“Okay that’s all from me thanks, I’ve got a list here from Sarah. Bread, milk…does anyone know where I can get canesten from?”