JOVIAL PLUSNET NORTHERNER PUT ON 3 DAY WEEK AS 1970’S RETURN
"Hare coursing and child abuse will be back through the roof" says Joe
As the post Brexit fallout continues to bite, broadband provider Plusnet have fired a warning shot of things to come by placing their jovial atypical northern man, Joe, on a 3 day week in anticipation of the internet being turned off outside London.
Hailing from Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, a town famous for international terrorists and fake kidnappings, Plusnet northerner Joe says, "It's going to be like the bloody seventies in the north again, I’m off.”
“It’s been shit for years anyway. There was next to no spending outside London as it was, especially up here in the north. The roads, schools and internet are all shit. What’s it going to be like now there’s no investment from Europe? At least with them there were some money trickling into the areas that need it.
It’ll be ten times worse when it’s left to those Bullingdon boys to dish out. There’ll be tax rebates on t’olives at Henley Regatta before there’s proper trains in the north.
Wi’ nowt else to do up here, hare coursing and child abuse will be back through the bloody roof again.”
A spokesperson for Environment Secretary Liz Truss said: “Our latest research shows that the average Northern family don’t need the internet and prefer to stare silently into the fire after a day at the mill or mine.”
Asked if that’s all that northern families had to look forward to in post Brexit Britain she said,
“No, well obviously on payday Dad will drink his weekly wages down the pub before staggering home in a violent temper to take his belt to his kids. We need to listen to the will of the nation. They voted for a return to simpler times.”