JEREMY HUNT PLANS TO STAFF NHS WITH OOMPA LOOMPAS AFTER BREXIT
Third generation Oompa Loompa’s with UK passports pass new government test on who is allowed to practice medicine
JEREMY HUNT TODAY REVEALED his post Brexit vision for the NHS which includes plans to plug staffing shortfalls with Oompa Loompas possessing UK passports.
With a shortage of Doctors and trained medical staff likely to put a huge strain on the ailing Health service, Hunt has moved quickly to unveil his back-up plan.
Speaking this morning he said, "What could be better than plugging gaps with short, bronze people who know a lot about the rights and wrongs of a fictional sweet factory and spontaneously break out into a funky fresh beat? No, not Olly Murs, Oompa Loompa’s! And the beauty is we have thousands of third generation Oompa Loompas with British passports, so they pass our new stringent Government test on who is allowed to practice medicine!”
"It will cheer up the sick kids in hospital to see them toddling along the corridors singing their cheery songs. I'm sure we all enjoyed Roald Dahl as a child so to bring that life within our own health service will give it the morale boost it clearly needs after we’ve deported thousands of skilled doctors leaving it like the Marie Celeste.”
"We know from the books that they have an understanding of medical practice and were able to nearly return at least two badly misshapen children to their original state."
Critics of the plan have warned that whilst Oompa Loompas might be alright for operating gobstopper machines and rolling bloated children away to be pumped, building a supposed world class healthcare system on their skills presents a different challenge.