GREG RUTHERFORD FREEZES SPERM IN ATTEMPT TO ESTABLISH SUPERIOR GINGER ORDER
Olympic Long Jump Champion in Ginger Sports Conspiracy
Greg Rutherford's sperm was literally all over the news yesterday after the British gold medal winner spoke to the press about his plans for the future.
The British Long Jump athlete announced he has taken steps to freeze his sperm ahead of the Rio Olympics as he seeks to establish a superior ginger order.
A member of Rutherford's local Milton Keynes Athletics Club said, "Greg's been making plans to freeze his sperm for a while now and the concern over the Zika virus has given him the perfect cover."
"He's looking to introduce his ginger bloodline to women of child bearing age as part of Operation Sheeran using turkey basters under the cover of Diamond League track and field meetings. He’s assembled a crack squad of carrot-topped troops to help him including Damian Lewis, Eddie Redmayne and Prince Harry. With backing like that they’re unstoppable.”
It seems though that Rutherford’s efforts might just be the tip of the ginger iceberg with a much wider conspiracy affecting the sporting world.
“Their secret order has been at it secretly for years and it’s starting to have an effect. Just look at the England cricket team’s middle order batting. Eoin Morgan, Ben Stokes and Jonny Bairstow aren’t there by chance, they’re the result of Neil Fairbrother’s undercover work in the 80’s.”
Rutherford has been training to defend his Olympic gold medal in Rio.