GOVERNMENT REFUSE TO IMPLIMENT POLICY ON CLEAN AIR UNTIL THEY CAN INTRODUCE ‘TAX ON BREATHING’
‘Poor can breathe tax free air near factories’ says government spokesman
THE GOVERNMENT ARE FACING angry calls that they've betrayed the British public by failing to act on air pollution with their actions described by one expert as “the square root of f%$k all”.
17 years have passed since new rules were approved in the UK to save thousands of lives by limiting deadly air pollution in our towns and cities.
However, despite seemingly doing nothing, the government’s response has been defended by one government spokesman.
"We utterly refute we've been slow off the mark with this one,” says Tarquin Arse.
“We've had a team of 300 people working tirelessly through a series of power lunches, publicly funded fact finding missions to the Caribbean and 'away day' seminars in the Cotswolds and we're pleased to say they should be ready to report by 2019."
“We’re excited by their early findings, and have some effective policies which we’ll be drafting into legislation.”
“We’re working on a much more exciting clean air programme we’ve internally called a ‘tax on breathing’.”
“Obviously it’s still all in the planning stages at the moment but really it’s a drive to educate the British taxpayer that they should really be paying for the air they’re breathing. We’ve got a leaflet planned and everything.”
“Before we even consider making good on our clean air pledges and lifting a finger to save some of the 40,000 lives lost to air pollution we need to ensure that people are paying their way.”
“I suspect there’ll be doubters and accusations that we’re hitting the poorest hardest but our contingency is to let those people not able to send their children to Grammar Schools the opportunity to breathe tax free air near factories and other industrial plants thereby making the cleanest air available for those who make the greatest contribution.”
“Except for those multinationals we’re offering exemptions to in the hope they won’t bugger off as soon as we’re out of the EU of course.”