GHOST OF EMMELINE PANKHURST INTERUPTS LOCAL SÉANCE TO SAY ‘OF COURSE IT MATTERS HOW YOU VOTE YOU CRETIN!’
A local séance in Oxfordshire was gatecrashed last week by the ghost of Emmeline Pankhurst who took the opportunity to correct the myth, often put forward in her name, that it doesn’t matter which way you vote as long as you do.
Rita Flange, a gin-soaked widow who regularly hands over half her weekly pension to shameless con-merchant Deborah in an attempt to contact her husband on the other side, was shocked, “I’ve been trying to reach Trevor for months but he’s not been joining us. I think he’s avoiding me because I want to ask him about our savings account being empty when he died. I think he lost the lot on the bloody horses.”
“Anyway, we were calling to the other side and suddenly the plate of digestives started to shake and Deborah announced she’d been consumed by the spirit of Emily Pankhurst. She was angry and told us quite clearly she wanted to address the myth that it doesn’t matter which way you vote as long as you do.”
“Deborah spoke to her about it, because she’d read on Facebook lots of people saying that the important thing is to exercise your democratic right to vote and it matters less about which box you put your cross in.”
The spirit said through Deborah, “Of course it matters you cretin, that’s the whole bloody point of it.”