Eamonn Holmes settles score on football disasters
Roly-poly housewife's choice Eamonn Holmes stood up for his club today by comparing the bottling of the Manchester United team coach to the Hillsborough disaster.
Holmes 28, said, "I felt compelled to speak. We can't let the great tragedies in football pass without comment, especially when there is a score to be kept. Everyone knows that we have the most league titles and the scousers have most European cups, though technically we have more Champions League trophies which are worth more, but in the tie breaker they've been involved in two tragedies to our one!"
"Plus Heysel and Hillsborough happened in Colour and were filmed, whereas we have only grainy black and photos of Munich. However this horrific incident involving two broken windows and players filming themselves laughing in mock terror knocks them back off their perch putting us as England's number one club in both glory AND sympathy."
Holmes, 74, was speaking before going for a lobotomy.
His wife TV presenter Ruth Langsford (the one who looks like she'd invite herself on her niece's hen do then be put in a taxi by half ten after fifteen Bacardi breezers, trying on with the bouncer and throwing up on her own shoes), simply said, "What can I say, he's a massive bellend. To be honest I'm looking to move on, anyone who can offer me a better deal check out my tinder profile."