DRUNKEN UNCLE KEN LETS RIP OVER COLLEAGUES
Clarke goes down the pub for round two after camera outburst
Like the lovable old uncle who really doesn’t give a shit and can't hold either his drink or his tongue, Ken Clarke has once again waded into the Tory leadership battle with an honest assessment of the remaining contenders.
Speaking directly from his local after the first round of results Clarke has given another honest assessment of the people vying to run the country.
"Freaks and shysters the lot of them," said the former chancellor whilst necking his fourth pint.
“Two Thatcher wannabes who dress the part and that bloody idiot Gove, what’s it come to? I’ll have the same again.”
“Don’t get me started on Leadsom, the daft bint wants to put age restrictions on the internet, that’s how close to a modern, functioning society she is. It shows how close you can get when your brother-in-law throws enough money at you from his tax haven. Packet of cheese and onion?”
However, Clarke’s brand of honesty has been met with criticism from the Labour benches as one opposition MP put it.
“Ken Clarke might have been caught on camera saying what everyone else is thinking but we reserve our right to still be offended by it. It’s perfectly reasonable for a statement to be factually correct until the very moment it comes out of Ken Clarke’s mouth. At that point it becomes the sort offensive rubbish typical of fat, out-of-touch, old Tory bastards. By contrast, we excel in dignified leadership contests that produce the right result for party and country and stand the test of time.”