DEADLINE LOOMS FOR EUROS
UK Men need to get their arses into gear
Today is the deadline for UK voters to register to vote in the Euro referendum but for millions of henpecked men up and down the country their biggest concern is the deadline looming to put their foot down with their wives and watch the football.
Many have been smoothing the way by being extra helpful to their wives in the last two weeks.
Studies have revealed a huge increase in male domestic productivity due to the European Football Championships starting on Friday with footy loving fellas up and down the land hoping they’ve done enough to earn the right to neglect their kids and spend the next month in the pub watching football.
Fan Trevor Pickle told us, “Saturday is massive with three games shown in a row ending with England v Russia. I’m going to spend the whole day in the boozer talking rubbish with my mates I haven’t got my pass stamped yet. That’s why I’ve mowed the lawn and changed the bedding.”
Dr Felix Quam an expert in male behaviour at the University of Basingstoke told us, “When there’s a major football tournament men make a dramatic transformation. For much of the year they are lazy and clueless around the house, unable to identify where the vacuum is kept or successfully change the toilet roll. All this changes when a football tournament draws closer and the urge to watch as many games as possible leads to a sharp increase in domestic productivity.”
Helen Beans, whose husband recently varnished some decking told us, “My husband has been really helpful the last few weeks. For most of the year he thinks the bins put themselves out, but did it yesterday and he’s even stopped pissing in the shower. I wish there was football on every week!”