BRITISH PENSIONERS GET WINTER COATS OUT AS NIGHT'S DRAW IN
Wrap up warm warns Ian
After literally minutes of summer weather this year, British pensioners are said to be getting their winter coats out for an airing as the nights start to draw in from today.
"I'm fed up with these light evenings," admitted curmudgeonly oxygen thief Ian Twatt, "You know where you are with Winter. It fell to 15 degrees in here yesterday so I had to put on a second cardy. As soon as it drops another couple of degrees I'll be rooting out the hat and gloves."
"It's a blessing these nights are drawing in, and the mornings too. I've been wide awake at 4am for the last month when usually I like to lie in until 5.30am before my rheumatism play up. No need for an alarm clock in my house with ankles."
Ian reflects the thoughts of millions of British pensioners up and down the land who are beginning to wrap up warm with winter a mere three and a half months away.
"I saw one young man running around in tee shirt and shorts the other day," adds Ian, "He'll be laughing on the other side of his face when he's struck down by pneumonia. I told him, I said 'You want some bloody layers on son, you'll catch your death playing tennis in those clothes."
Although like many pensioners, Ian finds there's lots to enjoy as we head towards darker evenings, "The arctic blast warnings will be starting in the Daily Express in the next couple of weeks. I always look forward to that and feel smug because people are so unprepared."