BORIS LAYS DOWN LAW!
New Foreign Secretary begins in terrific form
Boris Johnson began his term as Foreign Secretary in terrific form this week, making sure the world knows that Britain is a world power not to be trifled with at the meeting of counterparts in Brussels.
Asked for his views on the terror attack in Nice, Johnson astutely sidestepped the French press vultures saying, " Nice? Urr yes definitely, France, urr, bloody nice, love it. Damned good wine."
Johnson continued to underline his position by constantly mussing his hair, wandering around randomly shouting" English? Speakey English? You? SPEAKEY THE ENGLISH? Tea? Cup of Tea? Burr, bloody hell, urr, can't speak the lingo!"
He was later seen curled up in a corner sucking his thumb crying quietly while muttering, "What?! No cricket, no brass bands. Where's nanny? Want nanny."
Our reporter asked Downing Street for comment but was only met by the sound of hysterical laughter from the cabinet room and a small trickle of piss coming under the front door.