ANYONE BUT THE BASTARD ENGLISH!
Party Leaders choose their teams for Euro 2016 amid economic row
Controversy raged round the Palace of Westminster this week with parties on both sides accusing the other of wrecking the economy over Euro 2016.
Employee absenteeism is a major problem during football tournaments reckoned to cost the country as much as two pounds fifty.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn accused big business of crushing employees' morale with heavy handed approaches to absent workers. "This is the people’s game and as such workers should be given fully paid leave to watch the games even those who don't want to. In fact in should be a month long holiday for the whole tournament which we'll cover the cost of by borrowing from America."
Asked who he wanted to win, Mr Corbyn said, "I abhor nationalism of all kinds and I think all the teams should be of mixed representation and the trophy shared at the UN."
The Prime Minister hit back stating, "It's exactly this kind of pinko crap that has dragged the country down. We in the Tory party however believe that time to watch the games could be a productivity booster and reward that bosses should provide to hard workers. Only they shouldn't expect to get paid or have a job still at the end of the inevitable penalty shoot-out."
Asked who he wanted to win, Mr Cameron said, "Great Britain of course, and all countries that we beat should instantly be colonised as part of our resurgent empire"
SNP leader Rosa Klebb informed the House, "This tournament is a clear example of English arrogance and should be banned from British TV screens in the interests of parity."
Asked who she wanted to win, Ms Klebb said, "Anyone but the bastard English."
UKIP Leader Nigel Farage gave a press conference in a local pub, saying that "Euro 16 was indicative of EU bureaucracy and a clear conspiracy by Jonny Foreigner to stop England winning anything and at the same time flooding this green and pleasant land with immigrants. Under a UKIP government England would be allowed to carry weapons and change the rules during a match."
Asked who he wanted to win he said, "Anyone but the bastard foreigners."